The Fart Story

 

One of the most famous stories in our house is The Fart Story from when Monty and I went to Savannah Georgia.  It happened in a lovely restaurant; one of those really old houses that was converted into a quaint, little restaurant.  Classy, quiet, small, and just beautiful.  During our meal that evening we shared the space with two other couples, an elderly gentleman and his son.  Add, not crowded to the list of things that were wonderful about this place.

Monty and I are enjoying our conversation, having some wine, and waiting for desert and we notice the elderly gentleman and his son get up and start walking out.  It was taking the dad a long time and he needed to support himself on the bar and wall as he walked, which, is why we noticed him.  He wasn't drunk, just really old.  We heard his son say he was going to go pull the car around and would be back in a minute.

The father continued to walk our way, towards the doorway that lead into the foyer while Monty and I went about our conversation.  He stopped in the doorway, which, was right behind Monty's seat and held himself there waiting for his son to help him the rest of the way.  That's when it happened.  This man started to fart.  It wasn't a quickie either.  It went on and on for at least 20 seconds.  Monty, who's head is about 4 feet from this man's ass looked shocked at first, then panicked.  You can tell he wants to move out of the line of fire, but doesn't know how to do it.  He is a deer caught in headlights, frozen in the presence of this man's fart.  Monty's eyes are growing bigger and bigger by the second and I am on the other end trying to hold it together because unlike Monty, I think farts are hilarious and his reaction to them is making it almost to unbearable for me to not burst out in a loud cackle. 

The son comes to get his father and they leave and Monty and I are left staring at each other in shock.  Then I start to giggle, then laugh, then cry, then snort and squeal while my body shakes uncontrollably.  Monty manages to get out, "You've got black going down your face." between his fits of laughter.  We're trying to be quiet, but failing miserably at it.  I try to wipe the mascara off and he's just shaking his head trying to tell me I'm making it worse.

So, I get up to go to the bathroom with my mascara streaked face, gasping and squeaking, trying to pull myself together.  When I get to bathroom I see that I am quite the mess, but can not stop laughing.  I'm taking deep, slow breaths trying to regain control of myself.  Eventually, it did happen and I walked out with as much grace as I could muster and smiled at the people whose eyes I caught to try to say, "Sorry for that spectacle.  I hope I didn't ruin your meal."  It didn't click that I was getting looks of pity until got back to the table where the waiter was waiting for me.

Apparently, we made such a commotion that when the other patrons saw me walk by crying they thought Monty had just told me something horrible so, they asked the waiter to come check on me.

When I got back to the table the waiter asked if I was OK and I told him I was fine.  He told me that the other patrons were worried about me.  Oh boy.  I made a bigger show than I thought.  Monty and I then proceeded to tell him about how this old man just let out the most colossal fart we'd ever heard. 

His response, "Oh that's Frank! He does that all the time!"

And then the giggles, snorts, and cackles start all over again.  That evening was by far one of the most memorable of our time in Savannah.

Big Basin Redwoods State Park

 Today we saw redwoods.

 

 

Big, tall, strong redwoods.  You really needed to crane your neck back to take them all in and even then you couldn't see all of them.

We also saw a millipede and a deal mole, but we don't need to talk about that. ;)

Spring

"I think they call it spring because all the plants are all shriveled up and dead and then they SPRING! to life." -Austin

Salsa

Austin awoke this morning with a request that thankfully and oddly I was prepared for: "Can we make some salsa?" 

Oh yea! I had tomatoes, jalapenos, red onions, garlic, and limes all in my fridge and ready to make some salsa.  We didn't have any herbs like parsley or soap, I mean cilantro, and we both definitely agreed it could use something.  But for on the fly salsa it was pretty good.

Mmmm, homemade salsa.

Wild Geese

Have you ever been attacked by a goose? I had one charge and bite me when I was just a wee thing.  I don't remember the details, just pain and fear. Another time a goose charged Austin at the park and I kicked that sonofabitch like any good mother would when a wild animal is threatening her young. It squawked really loudly. I realized what I had just done as soon as I did it and looked around to see if anyone saw. Oh yea, people saw, and were horrified. But they didn't know the whole story!  They didn't know that I had been charged and bit by one as a small child and that that trauma had come back as this goose was now charging my small child, presumably to bite him.

 

I kept my distance when I saw this flock of geese at park day today knowing their aggressive tendencies.

A lovely lady who came to our park day for the first time was familiar with this house behind the park.  She walked us over so we could see all the neat things these people had in their yard like a red toll both, lots of old, rusted ironworks and a Phillips 66 sign.

Another wonderful park day.

Today Was Scooter Filled

Today was the day that Austin and I both learned to scoot.  Is that what you call it when you ride a scooter? 

 

We've had this scooter for a little over a year.  We've tried and tried, but both of us would wobble then fall off.  Neither one of us could offer suggestion to the other because neither of us could manage to go very far on the thing.

 

But, today was the day! I got on it and I just went! Then Austin asked for a turn, got on it and just went too! How awesome is that? 

A Walk In The Night

Last night Austin wanted to go on a treasure hunt and asked if I would go with him so, I put my shoes on, thinking, "As soon as he sees it's dark this is going to end." But it didn't! We walked around the neighborhood in the dark for a good while talking, playing and exploring.  It was awesome!

Walking in the dark is a big deal because since Austin was about eight he's been afraid of the dark. Any dark.  Not just in-the-house-dark-room dark.

When we lived in Austin, the temperatures would easily soar to 100. Nighttime was a comfortable time to be outside, but Austin's fear of the dark left us inside; a lot. I won't lie, sometimes this left me feeling frustrated. My monkey mind would chatter at me telling me there was no hope of ever leaving the house ever again. This was going to last forever and ever and ever if I didn't do something about it.

That monkey was wrong.  Tonight's walk in the beautiful, crisp, evening with the smell of jasmine everywhere and an enthusiastic boy on a treasure hunt by my side reminded me of something important.  Just because Austin is going through a period of fear or wanting more time to be at home or more time to be alone doesn't mean things will be that way forever.  He's growing and changing everyday. Helping him, being patient with him and understanding him are the best possible things I can do for him as his mom.

And honestly, tonight's walk was more wonderful than any number of forced evening outings could ever have been.