Monty and I are enjoying our conversation, having some wine, and waiting for desert and we notice the elderly gentleman and his son get up and start walking out. It was taking the dad a long time and he needed to support himself on the bar and wall as he walked, which, is why we noticed him. He wasn't drunk, just really old. We heard his son say he was going to go pull the car around and would be back in a minute.
The father continued to walk our way, towards the doorway that lead into the foyer while Monty and I went about our conversation. He stopped in the doorway, which, was right behind Monty's seat and held himself there waiting for his son to help him the rest of the way. That's when it happened. This man started to fart. It wasn't a quickie either. It went on and on for at least 20 seconds. Monty, who's head is about 4 feet from this man's ass looked shocked at first, then panicked. You can tell he wants to move out of the line of fire, but doesn't know how to do it. He is a deer caught in headlights, frozen in the presence of this man's fart. Monty's eyes are growing bigger and bigger by the second and I am on the other end trying to hold it together because unlike Monty, I think farts are hilarious and his reaction to them is making it almost to unbearable for me to not burst out in a loud cackle.
The son comes to get his father and they leave and Monty and I are left staring at each other in shock. Then I start to giggle, then laugh, then cry, then snort and squeal while my body shakes uncontrollably. Monty manages to get out, "You've got black going down your face." between his fits of laughter. We're trying to be quiet, but failing miserably at it. I try to wipe the mascara off and he's just shaking his head trying to tell me I'm making it worse.
So, I get up to go to the bathroom with my mascara streaked face, gasping and squeaking, trying to pull myself together. When I get to bathroom I see that I am quite the mess, but can not stop laughing. I'm taking deep, slow breaths trying to regain control of myself. Eventually, it did happen and I walked out with as much grace as I could muster and smiled at the people whose eyes I caught to try to say, "Sorry for that spectacle. I hope I didn't ruin your meal." It didn't click that I was getting looks of pity until got back to the table where the waiter was waiting for me.
Apparently, we made such a commotion that when the other patrons saw me walk by crying they thought Monty had just told me something horrible so, they asked the waiter to come check on me.
When I got back to the table the waiter asked if I was OK and I told him I was fine. He told me that the other patrons were worried about me. Oh boy. I made a bigger show than I thought. Monty and I then proceeded to tell him about how this old man just let out the most colossal fart we'd ever heard.
His response, "Oh that's Frank! He does that all the time!"
And then the giggles, snorts, and cackles start all over again. That evening was by far one of the most memorable of our time in Savannah.